Day 3

Day 3 on meds.
Only doing half my doses. It's still hitting rougher than I expected it to..or rather hitting more than I hoped it would.
Secretly hoping I'm immune to all the meds their are so I have an excuse not to enduse myself with pain.
It's a love hate thing. Told it'll be better than the last time, I believe it but something about forcing yourself to go through such tourment is such a mind fuck for sure.

Regardless who's surrounding me in my life I need to realize I'm doing this on my own. Those poeple that support have no idea what my bodies feeling. Learning to rely on no one is the toughest part.

Day 1 was mainly uncomfortable, getting used to the upset stomach and general sick feeling along with the anxiety that comes with every pill ingested.. A waiting game for an allergic reaction mostly.

Day 2 was the same durring the day. 6pm rolled around and my world got flipped upside down. Unable to tell the difference between just a general pms or whether it was my meds kicking in or a combo of both.. Ill go with the later.
It was by far my roughest night in a long time to say the least. The world needed to end at that very moment to appease my needs. Not a soul to care, nor do I really expect them to. We need to be told everything will be ok even when we know it wont be. We want to smile when we are down and secretly hope that someones humor can take away our pains. This is not reality.

Again on my own. Never wanting to be in this place. Im tired of my headaches. It makes me not want to continue the treatment.  A battle of logic and rational reasoning against your own natural will to not want to feel pain.

Missed my morning dose in hopes of good company. Maybe taking them later will ensure a better night for now.. This wont matter when I do the full dose. It'll mean pain and discomfort all day long.
I have nothing left in my life to loose yet I'm still afraid of loosing it all.
Hope is all I'm afraid of really losing...