Out Of Remission

You may not understand now. You may not understand ever. No matter which way I could possibly get my words out to you they hold no real meaning when the same words hold a different meaning in your eyes.
I can not and CHOOSE not to ignore what  feel. They are real, the pain and discomfort is real. The anxiety is real. What I go through on a daily basis is real whether anyone else chooses to aknowledge it or not.

It's Jan 1st 2012. I called to set up an appointment with my doctor for the 5th. I dread this.
I've been free of any sort of medication, well, since my last post of here.
That time was well spent for the most part. Living was easier to say the least. I may not have been able to travel the world still but It's the simple things you take for granted that make your day worth it.
I was able to meet friends for coffee, meet some new people, travel to places farther than the gas station. I was able to do something like commit to an art show.. ahhaha ... THATS INSANE to think about.. so simple. easy for anyone. Youll NEVER get it what that feels like....

I had ridded myself of all the dark in my life. He braught me down so hard I swore i'd never let any one ever to that to me again. Never ever let anyone hinder any sort of progress you have when it comes to your health because when all is said and done nothing else really matters if you cant stand to live in the first place..right?


Here's to the start of a new and 2nd venture.
A second round of meds. A new fella to tag along.. My only hope is that he can keep up.
It's been drilled into my head so hard that no one will ever understand or want to be around for what I go through, to hold my hand, to sacrafice just as much as I have to. I hate going through this every few months let along willingly participating for someone else.
This one has my heart a bit. It'd be a shame to do this alone again. He still doesnt get it as much as Id love for him to. Slightly Ignorant to the reality of what I go through but I want him to see. First hand. I want this one to understand. <3
 

This one scares me. From day one he's scared me. A 50/50 shot hell make it. I have faith in this one though. It's gotten to the point where it's slightly comical to see who will stay and who will run when it comes down to it and when I get knee deep in this shit.

For all I know I could be wrong and everything will be all good,..... right.. haha
Ill bet my eggs in the other basket to ensure my hope isnt broken though.